05th Aug 2021
Gratitude Journal
- I am grateful to have my boyfriend, today we go to a local coffee shop and spend some hours there. Well, he actually was doing his assignments, while I was just, umm, read some webtoon comics. We order two iced americano with a ham and cheese toast for my brunch / lunch, he paid it for me. I hope next time i can treat him back. We arrived at 11 a.m. I guess? and we went home at 01.30 pm.
- I also feel grateful to have nice clothes for hang out. Today i wear a long white striped t-shirt with pink vest, black trouser and pink hijab. It made me feel cute and confidence, took some pictures in the local coffee shop.
- I also feel grateful to eat delicous food today. An americano and a ham & cheese toast for brunch / lunch, a glass of es degan, and a plate of rice with chicken intestine (yeah you may think it gross but it one of my fav body part of chicken, so delicious!) it kinda made my stomach bloated hahaha.
After all of this, a beatiful day, I just feel scared. I am scared because I’m afraid that it will cost much to feel this kind of happiness, that the sorrow will follow after this. I’m also feel overwhelmed because I’am afraid that I overshared again.
But after I do my magrib pray, I’am self aware. I’am self aware that those feelings come from myself, the overthinking. No one feel annoyed because of me, but if there are some, it’s alright. I’m not doing any harm to them, I don’t have to feel bad because I overshare my life. I don’t need to feel bad just because I’am feel happy. It still my right to share what I want, but also something that I can take the responsibility.
I’m also try to calm myself of those feel of scared for being happy. It’s okay to be aware, you’re allowed to feel that. But please, believe that every happiness gonna back to someone who deserves it. You deserve it, I deserve it. Claim it, don’t reject it. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s also okay to be okay.
Thank you to myself, that already spend some times to wrote this. Thank you to loving yourself. You’re worthy.
Thank you for being here, today, this hour, this minute, this second.
